It's still so difficult to just be here. I'm daydreaming about the cruise in November. I'm thinking about memories from college and before and after and everywhere. I'm wondering where Jeff is on his drive to work. I'm anywhere but here. Here is a little tough. Anyways, more catching up:
Crafting:
The sewing area in my home is tucked into a corner of the guest room, so I didn't try too hard to make time with my machine while my folks were in town. I'm almost finished with the huge quilt top I've been working on for a special gift - just three long seams to go on the main piece, and then I'll figure out what type of border I want, find the perfect backing, and hire someone to put it all together and do the quilting. I did get to work on a delightful cross-stitch and have almost finished. It's from the new color pack that DMC thread is selling. The new colors are amazingly vibrant, and I'm hoping to hang this tropical piece on the wall in my sewing area and then build an awesome tropics theme as my area grows.
Travel:
I mentioned in my last post that Jeff and I were able to spend some time in Baltimore, and we've also been doing some other fun things. We stayed in a cabin at Occoneechee State Park with my sister and her husband in April, and all of us went to a great wine festival in Clarksville. I went to another wine festival at Saude Creek with a friend and her husband, and really enjoyed their setup. There has been lots of great wine and beer tasting this spring and summer.
Jeff and I drove to Myrtle Beach over the Fourth of July to spend the day with my aunt and uncle at an ocean club they belong to. There was a giant pool, cookout food, fun on the beach, and yummy drinks. I stuck to Captain and pineapple, which is my favorite summertime sunshine drink. Jeff got a horrible sunburn! I've never seen him burn before, so this was a huge deal. My poor guy. My skin somehow escaped the horror this year. I'm working on my lawn mower tan, which just consists of wearing something strapless when I cut grass. I really enjoyed laying out last weekend and have been contemplating heading to our little river beach this weekend for a few hours, but who knows how I'll feel in a few days. All I can really know is right now, right here. And while right here is a person who would love to head out to lay on the sand, right here is the beginning of my work day. All week I dream up the fun and exciting things I plan to do on the weekend, and then most weekends I either feel compelled to get everything possible done around the house or I feel like doing nothing but rest.
So here. I still have that feeling of not enough lurking in my brain too often. I have gotten up early for exercise and meditation all three mornings this week. I even did mini second workouts the last two afternoons. I got all caught up on the laundry and cleaning, and the grass is looking great. I got seven and a half hours of sleep last night. It's not enough, though. I still feel deficient almost all the time. It's not hopeless; I do a great job at recognizing when I'm caught in that mindset and then trying to honestly look at the truths that help me see that I have the same inherent worth that I see in everyone else. It's just annoying and frustrating that despite working as hard as I can, reading so many books about acceptance, making better choices for myself and the world - this little, persistent voice telling me that I need to be doing more remains so strong in my awareness.
It feels great to put that all into words. For the past month, I've been lost and listening only to that voice, ignoring the voices of compassion and love that shine through as soon as I stop striving so hard and appreciate exactly where I stand. I forgot that these feet touch this earth so many times a day, and that each step is a moment where I can touch the presence that permeates everyone and everything in this universe.
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