Adventures in PMS

I went to sleep last night delighted at being able to set my alarm for 5:00am instead of the usual 3:30am. It was snowing, and I'd already asked my boss if I could come in a few hours later, once the sun came up and started de-slushing everything.

3:30am - wake up, hear the stupid chit-chat-chit-chat of the over-the-door towel rack bumping lightly against the bathroom door. Get out of bed, move towel between rack and door, return to bed.

5:00am - alarm goes off. Jeff mumbles, "I love you baby," through the drool on his pillow and I mumble back, "I'm not fucking getting up!" I lie there for approximately seventeen more seconds while my brain argues with no one about why I should get up and do my workout. Get out of bed and put on workout clothes.

5:40am - finish workout. Rejoice! Bask in good feelings and sweaty yoga stretches!

5:50am - shower

6:15am - see Jeff's delicious sandwich he's made for his lunch. Ask if he made my sandwich too, since he already had all the sandwich materials out. Stomp off and cry in the bathroom when he tells me guiltily, "No," because apparently if your husband doesn't make you a sandwich, you are worthless.

6:20am - bitch at Jeff for not making me a sandwich, and also for pulling his khakis out of the dryer to avoid wrinkling but leaving all other clothes inside the dryer for future dealing with.

6:25am - cry more in the bathroom because Jeff is dealing with a really stressful work situation this week, and here I am bitching about some fucking wrinkly jeans. When I happen to have a FANTASTIC iron that I love to use, anyways. Feel guilty, put on extra makeup because my bitch voice is pointing out my elevated-hormone zits in the mirror.

7:00am - hug Jeff and tell him how proud I am of all he's accomplishing at work. Yay, good wife! Thank him for adding some music to my ipod that I'd been wanting.

7:20am - get in car, plug in ipod, listen to Trisha Yearwood's Greatest Hits. (We've been watching her cooking show lately.)

7:21am - CRY HYSTERICALLY BECAUSE YEAH, SHE'S IN LOVE WITH THE BOY! And Walkaway Joe. And The Song Remembers When.

7:39am - seemingly returned to neutral mood. Get cut off by a dickface in a black Nissan. Invent three new curse words, make my car scared of me.

7:52am - still in car. Think about a pun that someone said over the weekend. Laugh and shriek crazily for four minutes, feel giddy.

7:56am - Think about the fact that some of my friends will someday die. Scrunch face up and cry unattractively for ten minutes.

8:15ish - Arrive at work. Put on customer service smile and congratulate myself on meeting all those moments without fighting them. So what if I might be acting like someone who needs to be institutionalized? I feel beautiful when I act genuinely.