Sitting Still

I'm so antsy! Ancy? Antsy. Haha.

Lisa Life is going really well lately. Yet I still find it so hard to be in the present moment. I'm currently switching between tabs to catch up on my Feedly, continuously check my Facebook messages to see if a friend has messaged me back about some free theme park tickets (that we plan to use IN JUNE), gchat the husband about my night of incredible sleep, and looking through old pictures. Oh, and I read the recap from last night's Game of Thrones episode even though we won't watch until tonight - I never read the recaps beforehand! I usually have plenty of restraint. Now I won't even be surprised at what they do to poor Theon.

But I'm antsy. I have so much energy. Not like body energy. Just awake energy. Body wants to sit its ass in this chair for the next hour and a half, and then sit its ass in the Bluick seats for the hour and fifteen minutes it will take to get home. See, look! Can't even talk about the present moment without relating it to some future moments lol.

Weekly mindfulness group counseling has been amazing. We meet for our fourth of eight sessions tomorrow. I think that attending the sessions has kind of led me to believe that I'm so on top of my mindfulness practice, that I don't have to do shit for practice the rest of the week. So I haven't been sitting. Or reading my Buddhist stuff. Or even really listening to the mindfulness bell app when it dings from my phone. It seems like I've gotten to this delusional place where I believe I have hit some kind of finish line.

The only finish line is death, and I'm definitely not there yet. I feel incredibly alive.

I'm grateful that I'm taking some moments here, now and bringing a little bit of awareness to my day. I'm grateful that I'm doing it because I just had an urge, and not because I feel on the brink of a breakdown or in the rut of depression.

I'm grateful for this antsy, distracted, anxious tummy moment.