I'm finding it difficult to find a voice about anything this week. That could be because there is a lot going on in life that it's best to keep my mouth shut about. I have been feeling inadequate in several areas of my life, but at the same time have been finding new levels of contentment and resting with these inadequacies.
It amazes me that while we feel the need to be constantly busy, constantly pushing ourselves to be as close to perfection as possible - it turns out that when we let go of all that business, we still get important shit done. Life doesn't stop. The world doesn't stop rotating, or get knocked off its axis. Sure, I wish my spring cleaning were coming along more quickly, and that I were closer to feeling prepared to test for my group fitness certification... but I also wish that I had more time to relax on the couch with my husband, and that I can become more comfortable with the amazing woman I already am.
I start my weekly volunteer hours this week! I'm going to do an afternoon office shift on Fridays at my county's helping organization. They manage the food bank, clothes closet, and a furniture barn - and the amount of households in the county they are serving is both shocking and exciting. It's very naive, but I was surprised when I learned that close to ten percent of homes in our county don't even have running water. I'm happy to be able to spare a few hours and support the organization.
I've attended two of eight weekly mindfulness-focused group counseling sessions. So far the information has been repetitive, but it's given me a new focus on informal mindfulness practices throughout my day. I've been reaching out with lovingkindness a bit more, too. I've been working on cultivating the habit of wishing metta to all the people around me every time I stop at a stoplight. It's a nice break from my typical commuting angst and a good reminder that I can find that peace in each moment.
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