Monday, March 17, 2014

ACE Exam Booked; Worries Kick In

First off, acknowledgement: It's been a while. I went to South Dakota. I had holidays. I had my first wedding anniversary. I have not blogged. I've been feeling a little unsure of myself, and it's pretty difficult to etch my thoughts and beliefs into permanent blogditude during a time full of doubt. Today, though, I made a commitment! I booked my ACE Group Fitness Exam, to be taken May 30th in Richmond. My worried mind clicked into overdrive as soon as I hit the button to submit my final payment.

This makes no sense. I don't intend to become a full-time group fitness instructor upon certification, and I might not even want to work part-time. I already feel exhausted with my long commute and early hours with my full-time gig. I didn't even stick to a commitment to attend group fitness classes in Gloucester, because waiting around for 45 minutes felt so burdensome when I could be headed home to eat dinner and climb into bed before 8pm. I don't want to commit to anything on weekends. I love having the ability to just take off to the mountains or visit friends across the state. Truthfully, I don't like much about making commitments. I might not ever teach a group fitness class, even if I do earn my cert.

I have bullshitted so much with my study materials. I keep a textbook in my tote, but the last time I pulled it out to do any reading was over three months ago. There's been no consistency, though I definitely get caught up and interested when I do take the time to stick my nose in the books. It's going to be tough to stick to the study plan I finished up this morning, even though I planned a liberal amount of time to absorb all the information.

I could fail. I could quite literally fail by failing the exam. I could pass the exam and then do nothing with it, which could easily translate to feelings of failure. My brain seems to be channeling its turn-these-feelings-into-failure-and-regret mechanism much more than usual.

Or...

I could fail the exam and be proud of myself for making an attempt to learn something new. I could pass the exam, never teach a class, but feel a little pride in knowing that I mastered a new skill. I could pass the exam and explore my options in actually using it to teach some classes and have some fun. Who knows? I know that today, I'm nervous but proud of myself for making a commitment to take the test.

2 comments:

  1. Congrats on taking this step towards a group fitness certification! I won't lie- the test is a tough one, but the fact that you've committed to it is a step in the right direction! Good luck to you!

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  2. Thank you so much, Sara! Yeah, the practice tests have been tough, and all of the information is overwhelming sometimes. I'm hoping to get it all pulled together before test day at the end of May, though. Thanks so much for your encouragement!

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